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ANN ARBOR, MI—Excitedly touting the toughness and perfect form that elevate it above the millions of blades he watches every day, Michigan head coach Jim Harbaugh spent a post-practice interview Thursday heaping praise on a blade of grass on the field that really impressed him.PARK RIDGE, IL—At a ribbon-cutting ceremony held Tuesday on the steps of the recently completed 200,000-square-foot facility, Hillary Clinton opened a new presidential library and museum that commemorates the presidency she might have had if elected. I assume you are seeing a new girl and this isn’t the old girlfriend? Me: Sure The minute I pressed the button, little alarm bells started going off in my head. I removed the ground beef from the burner because I was no longer paying attention to it and with my luck, I’d burn my house down. Are you asking me to tell you if I think your penis is small or average or huge? In the time I had known him, his interactions with women had repeatedly shown him that women were not to be trusted. But at the end of the day, this is more about you recognizing your value as a person and being confident about who you are, inside and out. Some women are so vicious that I’m ashamed to share the same gender with them. A few more minutes of small talk ensued and then: Jeremy: Hey, I need your opinion on something. I stared at the screen and wondered what to do when three words caught my attention, “I trust you.” This sweet gentle man certainly had no reason to trust a woman. Me: I can do it as a friend if that is what you really want.PITTSBURGH—Calling it a perfect way to rapidly replenish essential nutrients after an intense workout, Heinz on Wednesday introduced a new quick-recovery sports ketchup to their line of food products. I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel.NEW YORK—Finding a remarkable consistency in such individuals’ predictive ability, a report released Wednesday by Columbia University found that rich suitors are able to correctly guess a beautiful woman’s dress size 92 percent of the time. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here. I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore.ALEXANDRIA, VA—Embarrassed by the piles of clutter in virtually every room, former Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort reportedly spent the afternoon Wednesday making his house look presentable before the next predawn FBI raid.
Jeremy: Well, the other day a girl laughed at the size of my penis. What exactly had I just agreed to give my opinion on? Putting his trust in me was a leap of faith and I couldn’t throw his courage back in his face. When you really love yourself, you will find a woman who loves everything about you and penis size won’t matter to her.
By the time I was 30, after years of never sleeping with anyone for more than two months, much less actually dating them, I’d revised my prediction from three to zero. He stated up front that he wanted to get to know me better and asked me on a date.
I’m not religious; I didn’t want kids; and I sure as hell didn’t want someone in my home that felt like they had any control over my decisions. In a society where people are “hanging out” and “chilling” and “hooking up” — meaning anything from a light kissing session to a night of full-blown sex — being direct was important..
When love enters our lives, it changes the world around us; we're swept off our feet, shaped by the one who came along and radically transformed as a person. It f*cks with your mind and makes you feel things about someone you never knew you were even capable of experiencing.
When you experience love for another person, that attraction is a gentle flame, which you need to gently nurture.